The Schmeisser Pack Diaries

07oct13 @ 5:21 AM

Thora: “Mom sure messed up this weekend. She got her shots and didn’t rest! What the heck was she thinking, Lu?”

Lucian: “Oh, you know, Mom. She can act like that little dog called a Chihuahua at the hotel we stay at. You know, she just can’t sit still for too long.”

Thora: “I know, but she smelled sick… and went outside with the hose and sprayed the car… the car is so much fun!”


Thora: “Jeffrey did that, too. You would have liked him. He had long ears that flapped in the wind. I miss him. That’s his collar on the statue that looks like him on the shelf. I think Mom and Dad miss him, too.”

Lucian: “Mom’s doing better today. She doesn’t smell as sick. I wish she’d slow down, sit down, and pet us till she feels better.”

Thora: “She’s a human. They don’t stop for things like being sick unless their bodies just won’t work, and Mom doesn’t EVER STOP.”

Lucian: “That’s not healthy.”


Lucian: “It smells good.”

Thora: “It’s gross. Oooh! I have an idea! Jeffrey knew a trick to slowing Mom down!”

Lucian: “Tell me!”

Thora: “Well, I don’t think it was on purpose, but he’d pee on the tile where she walked. She’d slip and fall and get hurt.”

Lucian: “We shouldn’t hurt MOM! That’s mean.”

Thora: “Yeah, and peeing is for outside anyway.”

Lucian: “And puking and pooing.”

Thora: “I peed on the dog next door last night!”

Lucian: “You are such a bitch.”



03oct13 @ 6:30 AM

Mom’s in the bathroom blow-drying her hair. Lucian and Thora sit in the open doorway watching her.

Thora: “What is that THING in her hand making all that noise, and why does it make her thrash her head around? Doesn’t she know if she runs away from it that it’ll leave her alone?” Rests her chin on her paws as she observes the Alpha’s strange ritual.

Lucian: “Dunno, Thora. Maybe, it’s like the vacuum cleaner.” Shudders in horror thinking about the horrible noisy thing. “Because she’s Alpha female… she must prove that she is greater than them and face-off with them everyday?” Rests his chin on Thora’s back keeping his satellite ears trained on Mom.

Thora: “The vacuum. You just had to mention the vacuum. What the hell is that thing, anyway? The Alphas chase it around the rooms. Is it growling because it’s angry and afraid of them? Or is it just some asshole that they’re trying to dominate?”

Mom turns off the dryer and puts it way. “Aww… you two are so cute laying on each other!”

Thora: “Yeah, I think it’s a dominance thing. Did you see what she did? She killed it and shoved it in a dark space. Maybe, she’s saving the kill for later.”

Lucian: “I still hate the vacuum the most.”

Thora: “No, you hate it when the house starts screaming. You were howling and crying the other day when it started screaming before Mom shut it up.” An idea dawns on Thora.

Lucian: “The screaming is horrible. It hurts my ears. Who’s den screams anyway? OURS? And, why does it feel the need to scream, anyway? We’re here. We’ll make sure it’s safe. Stupid screaming den.”

Thora: “Lu! I got it! The Alphas ARE expressing their dominance over EVERYTHING. Hot Damn! I knew they were good, but they can take all things down.” Thora sighs contentedly knowing her Alphas are true conquering heroes.

Lucian: “Yeah, well, if they’re so bad-ass… why do they send us out when THEY hear a strange noise and get all freaked out over an owl or rabbit? Think about that one!”

heart paw print

01oct13 @ 3:30 AM

Thora: “Lu! I heard something from the Alpha’s Den! Did you hear it?”

Lucian: “YEAH! It’s MOM! Yay!”

Mom enters the kitchen looking bedraggled and begins to rummage through the medicine cabinet.

Thora: “She’s different. No! NO! She’s smells sick! Oh, Damn and double damn! Nervous, Oh, GOD, I’m so freaked out!

Lucian: “Can’t handle it when she smells sick! Mom, our Alpha female is sick! Who will we turn to???” Trots over to Mom and sticks his nose up her nightgown.

Mom: “LU! Keep your nose to yourself. It’s ok. Just an upset stomach. Chill… it’s ok. I know y’all freak out every time I get sick.” Finds the right pill bottle and takes a couple and goes to sit on the couch.


Thora: “Sick scares me, Mom! Strange things scare me. Please, please, please… COMFORT ME!!!

Mom pets Thora knowing her history. Having lost her first Dad suddenly to illness… she get’s very skittish and clingy.

Lu - Web2

Lucian: “Thora. Get a good whiff. Tell me. I gotta know… how bad is it? Wait, don’t tell me… I don’t know if I can handle it…”

Thora - Web3

Thora: “Mmm… I smell something. UPSET STOMACH!  Ugh, that’s the worst. OH! I CAN HEAR STUFF MOVING IN THERE! Yep! STOMACH!”

Mom: “It’s ok, Thora. I’m just not feeling too hot.” Pets Thora to calm her.


Lucian: Is she ok? She does everything. I love her. I can’t live without her. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Who would I follow around? Who would pet me and chase me and play hide-and-seek and hold me? WORRY, WORRY, WORRY, WORRY…


Thora: Oh, yeah… that’s the spot! Scratch harder!  “I think she’s gonna be fine, Lu! Her scratching skills are still perfectly functioning!”


Lucian: “You sure about that? Let Dr. Lucian evaluate.”

Thora jumps down to her dog bed and lets Lu have the prime real estate in the den, Mom’s Lap.

Lu - Web1

Lucian gets a few scratches but keeps his ears trained to any potential threats to the pack since Mom is sick.

Lucian: “Yeah, Thora, you’re right. You’re always right.”

Thora: “I know. I’m always right. Follow her around, ok? I’m gonna go back to sleep.” Curls up and crashes.

Mom goes to the study with Lucian in tow to stare at a bright box that plays music and uses her paws to make clicking noises on a black board.

Lu - Web5

Lucian: “Thora gave me the order to watch you, but I would’ve done it anyway. You give me ice cubes, food, and love. You’re my mom. Make your clicking and stare at the box if it means you feel better, and if you need to puke on the carpet, I promise to watch. Pack’s always got your back.”

Mom: Geeze, I just ate something bad. I love my dogs, but they’re so damn neurotic. I can’t even close the bathroom door without Lu having an anxiety attack. Maybe, that’s a commentary on me as well… they say dogs take after their people!

heart paw print

30sept13 @ 5:23 AM

Lucian: “Mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM! I’m licking you… can’t you see that I want you to pay attention?” Awesome, she’s looking at me. Oh, it’s the TONE. I’ll go lick Thora.

Thora: “What is with you, Lu? Stop LICKING! I’m trying to sleep.” Why did they have to adopt him? I still wonder where my BFF, Jeffrey is.

Mom: “Y’all want FOOD?” Dear, God. Please, don’t let Lucian knock me over. Crazy bastard.

Lucian and Thora: “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! FOOD! IT’S FOOD. IT’S CRUNCHY AND SMELLY AND DELICIOUS! hurryhurryhurryhurry!”

Back door opens to let them out while food is doled out to the appropriate dishes.

Lucian: “Thora… hey… Thora. Start Barking! That makes Mom go faster!”


Mom: “It’s 5:30 am… HUSH!”

Lucian: “It’s working. Keep barking!”

Thora: “No way. I’m not pissing her off. She’ll let us in and make us do obedience exercises before we get our food if I tick her off!”

Lucian: “Oh yeah! She’s such an Alpha Bitch sometimes. Oh! Here she comes! I heard the bowls clack on the floor! YES! FOOOOD!”

Lu and Thora scramble to their respective dishes and chow down.

Thora: Hey, I wonder where my cheese that she sneaks my pill into is… Oh, yes! It’s stinky chicken. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll take the nasty pill if it means stinky chicken!

Lucian: All the food is gone, but if I keep licking the bowl, I can still taste it. I’ll just keep scraping it across the floor. The scritching noise makes it taste better.

Mom: “YOU’RE DONE, LU! YOU’RE DONE! THERE’S NO MORE! STOP LICKING THE BOWL!” She takes the bowl and puts it up.

Lucian: Damn it! She took it again!

Thora: “Lucian, you were making NOISE. She tells us when we can make noise. GOD! For having been a pack member for three years, now, you’re still a big, furry dumbass.”

Mom: Pets Lu on the head for sitting in front of her patiently waiting to be pet. “You’re such a good boy. Good Sit.”

Lucian: “Oh, yeah, Thora? At least I learned how to play her into petting me!”

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