The Conundrum of Failure Despite Success

Art by Hannetta/deviantdesign.com

I’ve written about Imposter Syndrome – something I was cursed with as are a lot of people. So, Bonnie… why are you writing about it again? Easy, I’ve been given some seriously amazing chances that only come once in a lifetime, and I’m terrified of them. Yup. I’d like to blame my 20+ years as a figure skater, but… there’s always a but… I think it goes way deeper.
Fun fact: Einstein is known to have lived with Imposter Syndrome. F*cking Einstein!!
I’m not Einstein. Not even CLOSE. I’ve been teetering on the MENSAn line for years but care little for it. If you aren’t using said intelligence to do something for the betterment of others… then, what’s the damn point of being smart?!
It’s like when you buy a gym membership (pre-COVID) but never use it. What’s the point of that money drain?
So, I’ve actually got a full manuscript ready for publishing, and I just can’t take the leap despite other authors encouraging me saying it’s good. Failure. I see you – you relentless asshole.
And, I’m starting a new job that is the opportunity that fell into my lap by chance. I was offered this job, pretty much a pioneer kind of position that can change things for the better, after 13 weeks of casual interviews and some seriously deep vetting by references, fellow colleagues, and respected individuals. All of these people believe I’m the person for this position.

And, I’m f*cking terrified.

It’s all just potential unless used. Action is way more useful. I KNOW THIS; but getting it through to my PTSD addled brain has been the bane of my adult life.
I just had to share this in case you’re struggling with it, too. You’re not alone. Despite our brains lying to us – take the leap. I’ll be taking the biggest leap of my professional career in January. Wanna jump in with me?

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