Pasta, Pasta Impostor In Pasta

Nothing I write here today has to do with pasta or cooking. I’m sorry if that’s why you clicked here. Please, feel free to find your Pasta Mecca or hang around and see what nonsense lies ahead.
Last week… or week before last (blame COVID for all the days running together), a writer that I admire and actually consider a friend via Facebook reached out to her fan group of which I’m part of with an intriguing request. Would we be willing to write what we like about her work so that she could compile it into a book to peruse when she’s feeling low? She stated that another writer had the idea and shared it with her. Personally, I think it’s brilliant. If I were to compile such a book, I’d call it my “Rah-Rah Book”. If Regina George can have a burn book, I can have a “Rah-Rah Book”.burn book

Anyway, her request resonated with me on a deep level. I and, well, everyone privy to the information knows that for some reason I struggle with Impostor Syndrome. If you’re not familiar with it and going, “What in the Hell is she talking about?” I’m about to answer your question.
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Yes, this is indeed a real thing. I’ve had offers of contracts and employment based upon my skills as a writer. However, I’m always afraid that I’m going to let everyone down  which leads to another info-graphic….

Inpostor-Syndrome-Types-683x1024

I’m definitely within Types 1 and 4 even though we all know that writing is a process. Just like one practices an instrument to get better… a writer must write to get better, but the perfectionist part of me that didn’t see getting second place out of a group of six skaters as a good outcome – it was a failure on my part. Yes, Perfectionism. I strive for it to the point of being casually called “a little OCD” which isn’t cool because OCD is real and a huge struggle for those living with it. I don’t appreciate others using my perfectionism as a jump-off point for ignorant, and hurtful, assumptions toward those with OCD.
Competency? Where’s that coming from? You know how we’re all warned about what we say and how we say it? Well, this is one of those instances. Many moons ago, my writing was celebrated. I felt supported and that I was getting better. However, when I started school at a now PUBLIC High School where everything is formulaic and measured including writing, it was criticized to the point that I thought that I was terrible. I remember the ‘F’ on an essay and thinking that I must be the worst writer in the class.
Not so… which I didn’t learn until college. Still –  damage done. I will always feel insecure about my writing.
And, what am I doing about these days? It’s another topic I’m tackling in THERAPY. I want to do well and not be afraid to publish. I have a publisher that’s been extremely patient and understanding and has said, “You’re worth the wait.”
I really hope that’s true.
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