I’ve been giving away free rent. Seriously. While it’s metaphorical rent, it’s still space at no charge – space in my head. I’m referring to a couple of bullies.
One I won’t talk about because I just want to continue the progress I’ve made – My Dad.
The other? Another family member that has been slandering me and is just generally hurtful which leads to the cycle of me asking, “What does this person have against me? Why am I not good enough?”
“Why wouldn’t they want a thoughtful, compassionate person in their family?” I really would do just about anything to those that I love and earn my loyalty; so, why does this person continue to piss on it?
By asking these questions and pondering and pondering and pondering relentlessly, I’m giving that bully power and head space when really they deserve nothing from me.
It started with questions about why a family member was in therapy and progressed to “he didn’t need therapy until he met you”. There’s this stigma, and there’s nothing I can say or do to justify the benefits of therapy for EVERYONE (especially for someone going after me). But, I give this bully power by allowing his words and actions to circle around and around in my head essentially grinding my own self-esteem into the dirt which hurts my marriage and my own well-being.
And, by writing about it here… I’m doing my best to draw a line beneath it and be done with it while serving a greater good – sharing my experience with you. Maybe, you have a bully taking away your power and grinding down your self-esteem? Maybe, you’re my age or younger or older.
We can rationalize why they do the things they do to us. Ultimately, it’s because they feel powerless and are trying to steal ours. Maybe, they learned it from a parent or not. Either way, when we’re in it with them while they’re going after us, we’re not rationalizing. All we think is, “Why? What did I do to deserve this?”
Nothing. You did nothing to deserve that type of behavior.
So, to the other bully in my family (not my husband), and we’re family whether you like it or not, if you try to take away what isn’t there to give because of your delusional thinking and don’t apologize… there will be consequences. You know who you are… and you’re damaging the very relationship that you said you’d defend no matter what. Well, guess what? That’s in my job description as well, and I have already gone even further.
So, let’s draw the line beneath it and be done with this behavior. Let’s set an example that’s worth following and find forgiveness in it all.