Out of Order

Red heart shaped box, close-up


In October of 2013, I noticed that I was getting very tired for no apparent reason. Now,  it’s February of 2014… and it’s only gotten worse. Sudden exhaustion hits with no notice. In fact, last night? I went to bed at 8:00 PM – ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. In fact, I’ve missed a LOT of fun things that I’ve wanted to do because I get flat out exhausted so quickly.

The official count is now up to six birthday parties, a month’s worth of mediation at the center (including this morning), several lunches and dinners, and basically lots of other fun things.

I would not be surprised if my friends and family were disenchanted with my cancellations.

Is it depression? Well, no. I still want to do things and join in on the fun.  Depression and I know each other very, very well, and I don’t feel empty, worthless, guilty, etc… If it were depression, I’d know what to do. See my psychiatrist, get on some medication to treat it, and talk with my therapist about it.

There are two other clues that may or may not correlate – high WBC (white blood cells)… more specifically high mature neutrophils… and low grade fevers… FOR MONTHS. I’ve taken antibiotics, Tamiflu, and even a round of Medrol with no improvement.

Finally, I went to see my endocrinologist about it hoping there would be an answer. Nope. “See your PCP.”

So, my PCP, Dr. MacGregor, saw me and shuffled me on down to Hematology and Cardiology after reviewing all my info… blood work, history, and everything in between.

The hematologist is running more tests. Cardiology is this week.

No one wants to look at this kind of bullshit. However, I’m hopeful it’s not something major. And, even if it is, I’ll do what I have to do to fix it, live with it, minimize it, whatever.

And, so, to all the people I care about that I’ve seemingly flaked on…

1) I didn’t think you’d want to drive me home because I’m too wiped to drive. We had way too much of that garbage after partying too hard in our 20’s.

2) Buddhist friends, I’m meditating at home. I’ll come by when I feel it’s safe to drive.

3) I love all of you and want to see you and hang out with you and laugh with you. Falling asleep while we visit seems kinda lame. 🙂

So, if we do visit and I seem sorta lackluster, emotionally I feel fine other than a little frustrated with being tired.

OH! And to friends going to Sochi, CONGRATS!


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