Recently, I’ve had two friends approach me about personal training – specifically, training me. I was struck with several different thoughts.
One: “Am I one of many that they’ve approached while trying to build business?”
Two: “Did they forget that I used to do this for a living?”
Three: “Did they forget that I have a minor in sports kinesiology?”
Four: “Did they forget that I used to work-out 3+ hours a day and teach skating and go to school?”
Five: “Is it because I am out of shape… really out of shape?”
Six: “Did they not know that I am injured and awaiting three or, maybe, four surgeries?”
See a pattern here? It’s in bold italic font if you need a hint.
Why I got so huffy over such a minor inquiry is beyond me… Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m pretty sure I know where it’s coming from.
If you need the literal definition… EGO
And this is what I’m working on letting go of… both from my own perspective and that which I allow others to project on me… THE DEFINITION OF ME.
Really, the only definition of ME that exists is the one I won’t know until my awareness or soul leaves the mortal coil and body behind. The only thing I can do until then is live compassionately and learn to look beyond this contrived idea of “SELF”.
My fantastic therapist (yes, I see a therapist… no, I don’t really care if you think I’m crazy for it) once told me to “throw my SELF out the window”. I knew what he was saying at the time, and it was still funny. Plus, he may have phrased it that way to get my attention knowing that I find violent behavior fascinating being that I’m not a violent person.
What my highly active and visual imagination sees looks more like different ideas getting stuffed into balloons which I let go of and never see again. Once I looked into the balloon imagery, I realized it’s a little more realistic to me than my actual “throwing my SELF out the window”.
One: I equate throwing things out of windows as damaging to others (ie… littering, air-conditioners landing on people’s heads, the piano thing from cartoons, etc…)
Two: Letting go of a balloon is like sending something out into the unknown.
Three: Balloons can pop quickly leaving whatever you let go of right back in front of you, again. “It usually takes more than one try.”
If you are one of my FRIENDS and asked to train me, after I really gave it some thought and self-reflection, I should have been flattered. It meant that you would have taken the time to help me. Instead, I got bristly.
But, I did tell you the truth. I’m busted, BIG TIME, and looking at three or four (depending what each surgeon decides) surgeries and have been told to stop doing anything FUN and to stay off my feet being that my left Achilles can blow at any time for any reason. My genetics and figure skating didn’t do my connective tissues and bones any favors. 🙂
One of my specialists laughed (in good-nature) and said, “You are so screwed.” He knows I appreciate an honest, HUMAN opinion.
Today, I’m going to let go of the balloon that holds the preconceived notion that my education and experience puts me in a position of superiority. I don’t know how many other balloons are in the bunch I’m holding, but I’ll let go of this one today.