“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Buddha-

 

Why is this such a novel concept to me? I may have written this before… or you’ve heard me say it…

“If I heard someone talking to another person the way my mental dialogue talks to me, I would confront them on their bullying.”

Yep, I am a Bully. I am just plain mean with some of the things I say to myself, and I’ve been working for a few years on this habit. Where it came from, I have no idea, and it’s not really worth examining. However, I’ll give you a little taste of what went on earlier that brought me to my laptop to talk about this.

I probably should be using “DragonSpeak” right now. Carpal Tunnel showed up in college, and, over the past six months or so, it’s gotten to be a hindrance in my daily living – like what happened just a few minutes ago.

I was carrying a large, plastic cup of iced tea to the refrigerator. As I was placing it on the shelf, my hand lost its grip. Stuff like this happens everyday. I drop stuff constantly. My hands go numb. There’s nothing really to be done about it except get it repaired. Back to the tea…

About 40 oz. of iced tea and ice cubes get dumped inside the refrigerator and spills to the floor in front of the fridge as well. Here’s what my brain wanted to say, “That was so stupid! You knew better than to carry that large cup. How can you be so stupid?”

Um, yeah.

Instead, I stopped myself this time. There was a large towel waiting to go into the wash on the floor nearby. My dog loves cold beverages and iced cubes, and the worst damage was just a little bit of tea in one of the produce bins. All in all, it’s not really a big deal, and my dog happily “helped” clean up.

So, that negative diatribe awaiting expression from myself to myself? I changed it. “Wow, I guess I should get some smaller cups with lids. Heck, sippies wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Heh, heh, heh… they work for toddlers!”

It was in the reality of the situation that it hit me. Compassion starts within oneself. I can be as thoughtful and empathetic with others all I want, but, if I don’t give myself the same treatment, I’m not really practicing compassion. I’d be practicing hypocrisy.

Who was it that said something along the lines of “awakening can only occur when oneself knows thyself” and followed with something like “the illusion is that there is there is no self to know”?

I remember hearing that from a prof and thinking, “Sounds like something a politician waxing philosophically would say…”

And, then, years later, I’m sitting in my therapist’s office when he said, “I’m not here to fix you. I want you to take your ‘self’ and throw it out the window.”

Well, I threw my ‘self’ out the window today. Let’s see if I can do it again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s